you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just pee around me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
