Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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