My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
