Don't make out with my wife yet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
