how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
