I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
