Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
