Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
