I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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