Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
