just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
