remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
