Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
