I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wear drunk well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
