She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
