im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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