why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i now understand why vodka
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
