No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
