WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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