I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
