Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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