Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
