I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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