eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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