He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
