i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
