I puked a lego.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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