Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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