i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
