shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
