I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
