Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
