can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
