I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
