yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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