You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
