Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
