You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
