WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
