I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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