Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
