My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
