ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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