My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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