Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
