Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
