I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
