called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
