i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
