Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have demons in me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
