I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
