i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
