He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
