when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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