My first STD was from a foam party
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
