4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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