I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
