I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
