Will you blow on my dice?
my phone needs a breathalizer
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
