Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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