i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
